segunda-feira, abril 23, 2007

O começo da briga, lá no Alegrete

O Delegado fala ao depoente:

- O senhor foi intimado para depor sobre a violenta briga acontecida ontem no seu armazém lá no interior de São Borja. Cinco mortos, oito feridos, uma barbaridade...

- No meu bolicho, seu delegado. Quem sou eu para ter armazém? Armazém é do turco Salim, que foi mascate. Por sinal que...

- Não desvie do assunto. Como e porque começou a briga?

- Bueno, pos então, historiemo a coisa.Domingo, como o senhor sabe, o meu bolicho fica de gente que nem corvo em carniça de vaca atolada. O doutor entende: Peonada no más, loucos por um trago, por uma charla sobre china. A minha canha é da pura, não batizo com água de poço como o turco Salim. Que por sinal...

- Continue, continue, deixe o turco em paz.

- Pos então bamo reto que nem goela de joão-grande. Tavam uns trinta home tomando umas que outras, uns mascando salame pra enganar o bucho, quando chegou o Taio Feio. O senhor sabe, o índio é mais metido que dedo em nariz de piá, deu um planchaço de adaga no balcão e perguntou se havia home no bolicho. Todo mundo coçou as bolas. Home tem bola, o senhor sabe. O Lautério - que não é flor de cheirar com pouca venta - disse que era com ele mesmo, deu de mão numa tranca e rachou a cabeça do Taio Feio. Um contraparente do Taio Feio não gostou do brinquedo e sentou a argola do mango no Lautério. Pegou no olho - lá nele - e o Lautério saiu ganiçando como cusco que levou água fervendo pelo lombo. Um amigo do Lautério se botou no contraparente do Taio - que já tava batendo a perninha - e enfiou palmo e meio de ferro branco no sovaco do cujo, que lhe chamam Pé de Sarna.Um irmão do Sarna, chateado com aquilo, pegou um peso de cinco quilos da balança e achatou a cabeça do homem que faqueou o Sarna. Os óio saltaram, seu doutor. E eu só olhando, achando tudo aquilo um tempo perdido. Um primo do homem do ferro branco rebuscou um machado no galpão e golpeou o irmão do Sarna. Errou a cabeça, só conseguiu atorar o braço do vivente. Aí eu fui ficando nervoso, puxei meu berro pro mole da barriga, pronto pra um quero.Meu bolicho é casa de respeito, seu delegado, e a brincadeira já tava ficando pesada. Mas bueno, foi entonces que o Miguelão se alevantou do banco, palmeou uma carneadeira, chegou por trás do homem do machado, pé que te pé, grudou ele pelas melena e degolou o vivente num talho, a coisa mais linda. O sangue jorrou longe como mijada de cuiúdo. Aí eu e mais uns outros - tudo home de respeito - se arrevoltemo com aquilo.

Brinquedo tem hora, o senhor não acha?

- Acho, sim. Mas e aí?

- Pois, como lhe disse, nós se arrevoltemo. Saquemo os talher. E foi aí que começou a briga...

Enviado pelo Fábio Max

197 comentários:

Lets disse...

Tradução, façavor.

Xerxes disse...

Se vocês pensam que gaúcho é macho, é porque nunca foram a Esparta!

malu disse...

Assim como a Leticia, estou esperando a tradução para poder comentar.

Julia disse...

Moi aussi!

Traduction!

Túlio disse...

Fábio deve estar atolado de impostos de renda pra fazer...

Lets disse...

É mesmo, Túlio. Mas ainda teve tempo de mandar essa gracinha pra você. Tadinho! deixa passar o dia 30 (de maio! - empresa é até 30 de maio!) que ele volta pra traduzir pra gente.

Fábio Max disse...

É mais ou menos assim, numa discussão corriqueira de boteco, lá nos pampas, um indivíduo arrancou a orelha do outro que lhe tirou um talho do braço que por sua vez cegou um terceiro no olho esquerdo e este arrancou a cabeça de um 4º.

Daí, o dono do boteco e os demais presentes se revoltaram com a brincadeira de mau-gosto e partiram para a briga!

Lá no Rio Grande as coisas são assim mesmo..

Lets disse...

Melhor assim, viu, Fábio? Hoje o dia foi de lascar pra mim, decifrando um vocabulário, digamos assim, acadêmico-uspiano. Eu entendo muita coisa que gaucho diz, mas esse texto aí foi de lascar, e aborda um universo que que é estranho (Hummm, gostaram? Pois é. Como disse, li o dia inteiro e ainda estou com uns tiques terminológicos E ideológicos)

Julia disse...

Não é so no Rio Grande que as coisas são assim...

Existe blogs ai no bananal que nem precisa brigar, basta ser amavel que ja vem as misturadas de assuntos porque ninguem ai esta acostomado de ser bem tratado por que ja vão dizer que se esta puxando...EU fui amavel como forma de aplaudir o esforço de posts em um certo blog, pois não é que eu ja estava passando dos limites do aceitavel ?! Voltei no tal blog e fui descendo as desculpas de ter me expressado mal e houve um post que preferi escrever em français que naquele post eu estava desolada mas minha vontade de dançar o tango com o dono do blog eu não ia de jeito algum pedir desculpas,mesmo sabendo que seria impossivem eu dançar o tango com o distinto que postou sobre o tango etc...

Pois bem houve la alguem que respondeu em français dizendo que ela sabia ler o français e dizia que eu era doido em vez de dizer doida.

Evidamente eu fui no taco e disse para a charmosa que estava desolada mais uma vez e que o tal blog tendo muitos assuntos que poderia ser reservado tanto para os doidos como pra as doidas então finalizei dizendo bem feito pra vocês que os assuntos serve pra todos doidos e doidas...

E COM CERTEZA AI NO BANANAL A COOISA TA SERIA MESMO!

No exato momento que fiz o tal comentario me lembrei que agora vou continuar com o blog francafranqueza e assim posso ser amavel com meus visitantes e assim não vou mas tratar mal meus queridos Fabio, Tulinho,Malu, Liticinha do meu coração, couro de jacaré o Diogo digo Diego C.Mouro, Aluizio Amorim, Tambosi,Cfe, Le Cuisinier...todos você eu GOSTO MESMO SINCERAMENTE! E o franca vai continuar!



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Ô, Julia! Adorei o "Leticinha do meu coração". Você também está no meu coração, viu? Sobre o tango, gostaria muito que você estivesse comigo ontem, pois dancei tango com o meu príncipe. Dançamos valsa e samba tb. E a musiquinha dos Bakyardigans, que ele só sabe dançar dobrando os joelhos, como toda criança. Minha irmã, como qualquer mãe nessa fase dos dois anos, não tem paciência pra essas brincadeiras, e quando a tia aparece faz o diabo com o menino. E ele adooooora!

Lets disse...

Ai, voltei pra reler o imbróglio, Julia! A pior estupidez que pode haver é alguém achar que o mundo se resume ao que ele conhece. Que merda! Qualquer pessoa de inteligência mediana percebe que você é extrovertida, não tem esse recato idiota que temos aqui, das culturettes de blog, que pensam muito no que vão escrever pra saírem bem na fita (principalmente para os homens, hehe!). Você se diverte às pampas, mas escreve coisas sérias quando é pra ser assim (falando nisso, já espalhei pra todo mundo o que você disse sobre os rendimentos de Madame Royale lá no Tambosi). E pior ainda, quando alguém se afronta por você escrever em outra língua. Mas não se iluda! Aqui no BR, principalmente em SP, tem um monte de gente que se diz fluente no francês e pronuncia "gEndarme", com "e" mesmo.

Julia disse...

Leticia,

A malu ja foi la no blog que estou me referindo que comentei em français...e vai sempre em outro que tambem da mesma "natureza" de "assunto em profissão" que indiquei pra ela e la no outro amigo do tal blog, sinto tambem a impresão estranha de hostilidade...

Mas hoje tudo se tornou claro na minha cabeça...!Por isso estou feliz!

Fábio Max disse...

Júlia,

Eu NÂO LEMBRO de você ter me tratado mal, nunca!

Você é uma dama de finesse impecável, não ligue para as cavalgaduras brasileiras!

malu disse...

Julia

Muitos blogs eu vou leio o q o blogueiro escreve, por que eu gosto do post, mais nem comento.

No brazil os blogs são uma loucura, por aqui nunca vi coisa igual,basta você falar que mora fora ou não concordar com "uns" que você abre a "porta do inferno".

Eu sinto que o brasileiro perdeu o humor, poucos entendem uma "ironia" ou brincadeira. Só achei incrível pessoas que "cuidam de cabeça"nao perceberem a diferença.

Julia disse...

Malu,

Beleza você entendeu qual foi o blog e aquele com a "roupa" igual a "roupa que o Tulio colocou"...e você tem razão "cuidam de cabeças"...passe la naquele que tem belos desenhos...espero que o commentario não tenha sido tirado...dê a dica quais são vou dormir aqui ja é 03h23 da madruga e devo sair daqui a pouquinho as 09hda matina hehehehe

Julia disse...

Fabio,

Mesmo que não ligue para as cavalgaduras brasileiras, acho que existe um minimo de delicadeza quando se tem um blog porque blog torna-se publico se não for feito o sistema de senha pra frequentar somente as pessoas do circulo amical,familiar ou professional!

Aqui na France não tenho problemas com ninguem e todos brincam assim como eu.Mas brasileiro é o contrario e o que a Leticia citou sobre as escritas pra dar boa impressão é algo que ja observei e observei TANTO que é por isso que estou decidida de continuar o blog SEM MUITO TEXTO justamente pra não fazer concorrecia com ninguem cada um com seu modo contanto que não tratem os visitantes de modo constrangedor.Imagine depois quase todos reclamam quando não tem comentarios suficientes.Como deixar comentarios se nos sentimos maltratados e observados de forma constrangedora!onde esta o direito de expressar-se??? O brasileiro esta e continua muito superficial!

Lets disse...

esta mulher falou, falou, falou.... e foi dormir, oras! Agora fiquei eu aqui, curiosa e sem saber onde procurar o bafafá. Oras!

Lets disse...

Achei, pronto.

Julia disse...

Lests,

Va la no meu blog, klic no link bem em baixo poliphrenia...fiquei tão chateada que escrevi errado e depois corrigi e publiquei o comentario corrigido.Se você for la no polyphrenia deixe um coment pra mim ver depois...

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Lets disse...

Bom dia, Julia. Tinha ido lá ontem mesmo e dei uma olhada. Tem gente que acha mais fácil se ofender que levantar o traseiro da cadeira e pegar um dicionário. Fazer o quê?

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